A relationship saving sentence...

Do you want to know a relationship saving sentence - workplace relevant; romantic relationship relevant; friends and family relevant?

It is this:

"The story that I'm telling myself is..."

And you can say it to yourself AND/OR others to clear up troubling situations.

SO much of what we suffer is when we ascribe INTENT to a person's words or actions

When we 'mind read' and assume (and we know what they say about assumptions!) we then add indignation, frustration, hurt, sadness etc onto something that very well could be a lot more benign or simply careless*.

This is a VERY simple way to challenge your OWN thoughts and encourage yourself to get EVIDENCE in order to get the actual facts - acknowledging that you only currently have your version of events in your head...and it is also a very powerful sentence to get others to explain what is REALLY going on.

It helps create a PAUSE

It also helps you acknowledge the thoughts that can be contributing to the emotions involved in the interaction.

And it helps to remind you that there may not be the intent that you presume that is adding fuel to the fire.

for example:

"the story that I'm telling myself is that this person is taking the p*ss - they're abusing my good nature and taking liberties"

"the story that I'm telling myself is that you deliberately ignored my request for the deadline to be met"

"the story that I'm telling myself is that you don't care enough about me to remember I had a big day at work today"

"the story that I'm telling myself is that you don't think I'm good enough at this so you don't trust me to do it"

It's up to you how you use it with others - suggestions could include:

"the story that that I'm telling myself is that you deliberately ignored my request for the deadline to be met - and that is just how it SEEMS, so please tell me what actually happened and led up to this occurring so we can resolve this"

"the story that I'm telling myself is that you don't care enough about me to remember I had a big day at work today...but I know that you do care, and although I am upset I'd like to hear from you"

"the story that I'm telling myself is that you don't think I'm good enough at this so you don't trust me to do it...and I know that isn't necessarily true, so can you help me understand where you're coming from?"

It's a great way to encourage others - including your teams - to PAUSE and reflect to get more information.

So, ask yourself today:

"what is the story I'm telling myself, and how can I get a more complete version so I can best deal with this?"

(*of course there may well be instances in which there IS dodgy or malicious intent etc, but these situations are actually far fewer than we imagine).