What COVID-19 has taught us about ‘reality’
As we look ahead to the start of 2021, I invite you to decide which of your versions of ‘reality’ you will challenge.
In coaching sessions, I often say to my clients that the words ‘reality’ and ‘realistic’ are banned. Why? Because this way of thinking can keep us trapped and stop us working towards things we want to achieve. Also, for the simple fact that every single one of us have a different version of what is or is not ‘realistic’.
Let’s take work – where most of us spend a lot of our time. There have been a lot of articles written about working from home; the pros/cons; what will it look like when people are back in the offices; what does it mean for the future of work etc. I’m less interested in that discussion right now, than what the situation has taught us about what is possible and realistic.
I have heard many times in my previous roles within corporate environments that it isn’t ‘possible’ or ‘realistic’ to work from home. The job (whichever one you care to talk about) apparently couldn’t possibly be done in any other way than sitting at a desk in an office for a set number of hours.
So, one of the things that I think has been brilliant this year is that is has proven that this is not true – it IS possible and it IS realistic to work in other ways in some roles, because it has had to be. (Whether or not it is ideal or for everyone or every role, is a different matter). This situation has forced previously restrictive, outdated workplace practises and attitudes towards flexibility to be revised.
We have been forced to think about what IS possible – and very much in the spirit of “we HAVE to do this, so how can we make this work?”
So, what about if we applied this thinking in our lives to what we tell ourselves regarding what is and isn’t ‘realistic’ and ‘possible’? We ALL do the opposite (I found myself doing it the other day!) – and the trick is to catch these statements when they appear as thoughts and interrogate them.
And here is how you start to do this:
Begin to notice these thoughts. These usually show up when we talk about them (whether to ourselves or to others) as if they’re solid, 100% irrefutable facts. e.g.
“I could never do…”
“I’m too old/young/whatever….to be/do/have…”
“I’d love to do x y z but it’s not realistic because…”
“I’m too busy to…”
“that’s not possible because…”
Write a few of them down – your list can be as few as one or as many as you like
Pick one that you might like to be different or think differently about – you have to want it to be different
Decide to start to consider it differently. Ask yourself questions such as: “What if that was different?” “How might that impact me if it was different?” “what if the opposite was true – what might that look/feel like?”
Rule – you are NOT allowed to follow any of these thoughts with the word ‘but…’. (See if you can catch yourself thinking this way – it’s very normal!) For now, just look at them differently and ask yourself the questions below.
Now ask “what influence/control DO I have in making that different?” Many of us think that we don’t have a choice or any say in the matter of these ‘realistic’ facts. Is this really true? If it IS really true, then ask yourself “Is there a different way of thinking about it that might help how I FEEL about it?”
Whilst thinking about something differently may not change something that is actual fact, it can have many benefits, including; thinking through our options about the situation; realising that others might be able to help us with it; feeling more prepared to deal with something we need to; allowing us to feel calmer about a situation; having more acceptance and therefore spend less time worrying.
Remember this is about starting small - as with anything we wish to change for the longer term, challenging these statements of ‘reality’ can take time and some effort - and it IS possible. And from changing our view of ‘reality’, other things become more possible. And that, my friends, IS fact ;)
Photo credit: Clement Eastwood via Pexels.com