Success tip distinction: should vs need

We can often be overwhelmed by how much we SHOULD be doing. Demands seem to bombard us from every angle. But fear not! Help is at hand to manage these AND stay sane (yes, it is possible).

I expect you have heard the phrase ‘should-ing all over yourself’. (I like to imagine a physical bucket of ‘shoulds’ being tipped all over myself, by me!). We do not want this.

It is a fact that some of the things we think that we should be doing we actually don’t need to, and if we never did them it would not actually have the disastrous impact that we think…now, hear me out, as I’ve heard every ‘reason’ in the book to justify these ‘shoulds’, and here is how to help yourself feel more free and get out of that way of thinking:

We must find out if it is a should, or a need.

You see, shoulds have often come from elsewhere – possibly someone else in our life, at work, or societal expectations and pressure in so many ways. 

A NEED? – that is very different. We all have them, they are many and varied. And they are requirements.

If we focus purely on the real NEEDS…nothing big will get forgotten or missed and we will possibly find we have more time. 

Here is how to distinguish between them:

• Reframe all the ‘shoulds’ in your head to say ‘need’ and write them down (yes, write them, in actual black and white!); 

E.g. ‘I need to get that report done by tomorrow’, ‘I need to go for a run’, ‘I need to make 30 mince pies for daughter to take to school next week for Christmas treat day’, ‘I need to get that paperwork to the accountant’, ‘I need to spend less time on social media’, ‘I need to be fitter’, ‘I need to make all homemade Christmas gifts this year’ etc… 

• You’ll be surprised how many, when you look at them from a place of ‘need’ are actually ‘shoulds’ and, whilst, in an ideal world, you might like to be better at some of them or do more consistently etc, you don’t really NEED to right now. And if you’d like to work towards them, you can do – and you do this by doing them one by one and make a plan with steps towards it, rather than just a vague statement telling yourself what you ‘should’ do.

• Decide which ones have an outcome that is ACTUALLY non-negotiable? And be really strict about non-negotiable:

E.g.  ‘I need to get that paperwork to the accountant …because if I don’t, my return will be late and I will get a large fine. This is not good for my business, as I need to manage cashflow’.

I am happy that is a ‘need’ for me. Non-negotiable. But someone else may have a different view and be happy with a fine! Try and remember that is irrelevant. This is about you and your sanity!

As opposed to: 

‘I need to make 30 mince pies for daughter to take to school next week for Christmas treat day …because if I don’t make them instead of buying some then people will judge me and I bet someone else’s will be homemade’. 

There might be other reasons/logical sequences of thought, but you can see how this highlights how much in there isn’t a need and is based on assumptions and undue pressure we might put on ourselves. 

• Finally…ASK FOR HELP! Find people who can help you with the things you DO actually need to do and make your life easier. None of us can do this alone. 

I hope you have enjoyed this Success Tip – let me know your thoughts and any ways that you help yourself prioritise.