The ONE success tip that I really want you to know

Whatever you are trying to accomplish, you may have an experience in your head when all sorts of thoughts and feelings arise. Whether these are fear; lack of self-confidence; anxiety; nervousness; or excitement; anticipation. Sometimes, you might even (perversely it seems) feel relief when something you really wanted doesn’t happen or work out – because then you won’t have to ‘prove’ yourself, or you won’t be ‘found out’ or exposed as a ‘fraud’.

Your thoughts might include such choruses of: “I’ll never make it’; “can I really do this?”; “what will people think?”; “what if I fail?” and “I’m scared”.

What I want to you know is this… know that those thoughts and feelings that you are struggling with AREN’T unusual or unique. YOU are unusual and unique, as are your specific set of circumstances, but what you’re feeling right now? No…it isn’t. Many others are feeling it and/or have felt it.

“I thought it was just me!”

If I had £1 for every time that I’ve heard that, I could book another three months of adventure right now!

I usually recommend some reading materials and exercises to my clients which goes through these thought processes, and one client even said to me “I had no idea this was so widespread and so many people feel this way – I’m almost offended that I’m clearly not special!”

And – ask my coach – I’ve even said it myself. I know that I said at one point “I bet that I’m the one person that this doesn’t work for!”

If you listen to relevant podcasts and interviews and read books where you hear people talk about their successes and their earlier failures, you will see this theme throughout.

So, why don’t we believe it, why do we think it’s ‘just us’, and what can we do about it?

The problem is, we hear this and we go “yeah, I know …but I’m different/my imposter syndrome is worse/they must have had loads of help etc etc”…

I know this, because I hear this ALL the time!

Because this feels so big and scary to you that it must be worse than others’, right? Or they’re just saying that but you really feel that way.

As well as much documented evidence from others, reviewing the literature, doing my own inner work, and regularly doing market research, for the last two years I have been interviewing people that I meet in a series of ‘successful people’ interviews. Not for a podcast, not for publication, just for my own research.

These people include CEOs, COOs, Olympic athletes, people who have rowed the Atlantic, those who have set world records, those who are entrepreneurs, and those in other executive roles. These are, by societal standards, ‘successful people’.

And what I can tell you is this:

These thoughts are common in almost every single person I have interviewed.

BUT…very few people usually talk about it. Because it takes vulnerability, and that is really scary. It’s scary because we think we’ll be judged. The interviewees sometimes talked about the loneliness of their positions – due to a lack of others to share such things with.

If you’re familiar with the incredible Brené Brown’s research-based work on vulnerability, you will know that rather than being a weakness, vulnerability is an ultimate strength and, often, the secret to many powerful and successful experiences.

Expressing our vulnerabilities (at the appropriate time and to the appropriate people) allows others to feel seen – it gives them ‘permission’ to feel what they’re feeling, too. And when that happens, trust increases and connections are deepened. And when that happens, so much more can be accomplished – whether that is as a team, a couple, a family, or a group of people with a similar interest.

One thing that my interviewees also all talked about to help them on their way is support. Yes, they talk of coaches and mentors, but one of the big themes that comes through is finding or creating a community of like-minded individuals who are united in similar challenges to them – it helped them feel less lonely.

So, remember the importance of both action and support…in this case, put together, the action of finding those that can support you as peers. We know we need to take action as we hear this message all the time…but if we don’t put what we are learning in podcasts and literature into action and try to work to strengthen the muscles of facing our unhelpful thoughts, no change will occur. It’s as if we read every single theory book and listened to every podcast that ever existed on running but never actually put on a pair of trainers – we’d have no idea how we will really benefit from all this knowledge until we put it into practice.

Go - search for, and find, your people. The peers that can help you. Share your vulnerabilities in these challenges that you have with the less helpful thoughts that are preventing you from stepping powerfully into what you want, and allow yourselves to feel the comfort of knowing others understand and can be there with you on the journey, and – of course – the joy of helping others along their way.

(And, if you ever need some personalised and specialist support to get where you’d like to be more quickly, reach out. I’ll be delighted to hear from you).

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