Success tip: how to get a healthier – and more useful – perspective (Part 1)

Warning: this is for when you’re feeling brave. We’re being brutally honest this week with five questions for you to consider that will help you move forwards.

Please note: don’t read if you’re not ready to address your current situation and get a new perspective, putting the answers to these questions into practice can require a bit of strength – and sometimes we’re in the place where we need to be kind to ourselves and process our situation, and that is perfect. There is no shame in this. (If this is you right now, perhaps save this post and come back to it when you’re feeling stronger).

Let’s dive straight in.

What am I tolerating?

From yourself or from others. What might you be able to make a change to if you consider that you don’t actually HAVE to tolerate certain actions or even certain thoughts?

What am I creating?

Instead of asking yourself ‘what have I got to do today?’ how about asking ‘what can I create today?’

This question can be used as a simple, positive reframe (e.g. when thinking about a work meeting you might reframe it as “I am creating an opportunity to influence my colleagues to a powerful outcome”. Or, if you’re dreading the working day, perhaps as simple as “I’m creating income for my family, which is a basic need right now”.

Or, the question can be a really powerful catalyst for a spurt of something original and set you off on an inspiring train of thought. E.g. “I’m creating learning opportunities for myself to upskill towards a new career”, or “I’m creating a plan for a family adventure/holiday in 6 months’ time”.

Where am I focusing my energy?

There’s a great phrase that I love: ‘energy flows where attention goes’. I have it up on a Post-it next to my desk. It helps to remind me that if my attention is on something and it isn’t helping me (e.g. I’m feeling fearful, or anxious or focusing on a situation over which I have no control), the more attention I pay it, that is where my energy will be and that won’t help me create an outcome that I’d rather have, or a day that has less stress.

What mode am I in? – is it victim mode?

Are things always happening TO me? (I ask this with much compassion…with my history I know very well what it feels like when serious things are really happening to you! Those situations are not what I’m talking about here).

Sometimes it is very easy to get caught in this disempowering space – this video from the Conscious Leadership group - explains this really well, and their website has some other incredible resources that are SO good for self-coaching and reflection (especially in a workplace context). I’d highly recommend all leaders and any managers to read them – there are a lot, so you can work your way through them.

What are my triggers?

This is a very powerful question because it can help you spot when situations might arise that we may want to either behave differently or think differently in – and then either prepare yourself or avoid them. If you’re wondering what I mean by triggers, in this context I mean anything that ‘triggers’ a reaction in you. This might be emotional (and is very natural, when we are suffering grief, for example, there are many situations and memories that can trigger sadness). However, not all triggers are useful day-to-day.

A very common trigger reaction is when we see others successful or happy in a field that we would like to be – and at its root is what I call ‘comparisonitis’. Comparing ourselves with others. So, when we see a post or hear of someone’s success, we might be ‘triggered’ into not only jealousy, but self-doubt and despondency about our own efforts – when, of course, the two are entirely unrelated. This can cause us to take unnecessary actions (e.g. perhaps frantically scrolling through peers’ social media to compare what we’re doing with them) or even cause us to stop moving towards what we want.

In another – work-related - example, someone new you meet at work might remind you of a colleague who used to bully you, and this could trigger you to feel a certain way around this new person. But there is no connection at all, other than the one that you make. If you aren’t aware, your relationship with this new colleague might suffer unnecessarily. Yes, I know that we’d like to think that we're all already aware of this, and that this is obvious, but many of us behave and make decisions based on emotion rather than logic, and triggers certainly can work in this way.

Once you are aware of your main triggers (that don’t serve you) you can practice using tools that will help you move past the initial trigger phase and on with your own day, goals and life.

As with many of these tools, noticing the thoughts that arise in your mind is a great place to start.

In a few weeks’ time I’ll share Part 2 with 5 more questions.

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