Things coaches and mentors are not 'supposed' to say

October is a shit month. And, no, let’s not 'reframe' that!

Let me explain...

Whilst many of you are revelling in autumn leaves, crisp mornings and snuggly jumpers and looking forward to Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas, October is the worst. It's full of terrible memories and anniversaries for me:

😞 My best friend, Mel's, birthday is on 3rd - and then also the day that she died, 30th Oct, aged 36 and 27 days

😞 Pregnancy and Baby Loss Awareness week - I had multiple miscarriages and procedures and October was also the date of one of them. I also had to say goodbye to Mel in a hospice, just a couple of days after I left hospital after that last procedure to remove the baby

😞 My dearest Dad died on 17th, and his funeral was the 28th

😞 Mel's mum very sadly also passed away in October, a year after her daughter

Now, surely as a coach I'd be able to reframe this and 'look at the positives' and 'be grateful' and all of that, right?

Well, I COULD do that…(and I am always extremely grateful).

Instead, I choose to, firstly, be a human. I am NOT a fan of some toxic parts of the industry which look past this fact and simply trot out mantras about your thoughts etc in any situation.

Do I believe that it IS possible to reframe most thoughts? Yes.

Does that mean we SHOULD always be able do this? No.

Does having feelings that aren't 'positive' mean that we aren't grateful or positive etc? NO! These things are NOT mutually exclusive.

Sadness and grief are very real parts of life. Honouring the fact that you're a human, and allowing ourselves to FEEL what we need to feel, and to process these events and feelings actually allows us to deal with them in a more helpful and healthy way, and then yes, use strategies to move onwards.

Brene Brown puts it perfectly:

'The goal is not to hide from your feelings or sublimate them, but to label and express them. By being honest with ourselves and our loved ones about how we’re feeling, we can move onto other strategies'.

So, if I sometimes feel extra sad, I won't berate myself or hide from it.

And, as your coach, I wouldn't encourage you to do this, either.

And, now, in two days time, when I head off to South Africa to start the big drive around Botswana and Namibia in my beloved 4x4, I will have a new, fun anniversary to celebrate in October and look forward to.

It won't negate the others, but it will probably help balance it out 😊