Success tip: how to overcome fear
Well, this is a biggie. The one thing that holds us all back from pretty much everything and anything we want. Here I share some useful learnings in dealing with it.
One of my worst biggest fears was always heights. I don’t think this fear materialised as a result of anything in particular, it’s just a visceral, physical fear for me. It is not an exaggeration to say that I felt sick just standing on a ladder. I tried to do Go Ape once, but couldn't make it all the way round. Hated it. This fear was not helped a few years ago when (doing a charity event) I fell from a height and horrifically broke my leg in two places.
(And, did you know that you can unlearn most fears as you are only born with two? Every other fear is learned. These two are: fear of loud noises and fear of falling).
And yet, two years ago, I abseiled down the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth – which stands at 170 metres (or 570 feet).
So what on earth would prompt me to do so?
My friend has not been able to walk for 15 years* and needed to buy a device that would enable her to walk again, and yet, that costs £80,000. She had raised over £50,000 already through her hard work and perseverance, so when we were asked to help, I couldn’t think of a ‘good’ reason not to. And by that, I mean, a reason that I could justify to myself.
* At 18, whilst at university, Lucy was diagnosed with a spinal Arteriovenous Malformation (AVM) - a rare condition that left her paralysed from the waist down. Read her entire story on the (now expired) JustGiving page
Fear just didn’t seem an adequate reason not to help. If I am fundraising, I usually do something I hate or something difficult in the hope that it might encourage people to give to the cause.
And that got me thinking about the immense power fear holds over us – and what motivates us to break through these fears.
I can only speak from my experience with fear. With this and other such endeavours, it seems to be conquerable to me if the goal is bigger than me. That includes asking people for money to support the cause – which can cause discomfort for some people.
I try to keep the aim in mind – that my embarrassment is nothing compared to the cause that I am asking for. And the fact that I respect everyone’s right to say no – and that it is 100% ok if they do. But the fear of that potential ‘no’ won’t stop me asking.
And the goal – to help someone walk again – is so much bigger than me or my fear.
So, we come to the ‘how’ – how did I do this? Beforehand I had no idea! Just before I did it, I wrote – in a piece wondering how I would manage:
“I guess by following instructions; keeping focused on something; tell my mind a new story? Tell my mind that I am safe, that there is nothing to fear? Focus on what is in my control and leave the things that aren't. And always remember to link each literal step down that tower to the bigger vision goal – in this case, my friend walking again”.
“I’m very scared. And in denial. But I have to do it. And I know that I will do it.”
Reader, I did it. I was extremely scared. And I did have to force my mind into a place to deal with it in a more rational way. I was doing it with my sister, so we encouraged each other all the way down by singing loudly!
For me, the learnings here that I have taken into other life situations are:
· Make the ultimate vision/goal bigger than you – the right motivation is incredibly powerful
· Seek appropriate, relevant, useful guidance and support when necessary
· Don’t let a fear of ‘no’ stop you from asking/seeking out an opportunity
· Keep focused
· Remember what is in your control and what isn't
· Tell yourself a new ‘story’
· Always link each step that you are doing to the ultimate vision/goal
· Create the story you want to believe
· A good sing can help!
So, what is your biggest fear? 😱 And, what have you done to try to overcome it?
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